We have that Say no more if you have an ex you want to mess with or parents who recently cut you off; we’ll take care of it.We’ll prank call whoever has been messing with you and pretend to be an Indian take-out restaurant with our legit-sounding accents.“Thank you, come again.”I’m a Starbucks gold card member and I would still take an Indian-style chai made at home over a Starbucks chai latte any day. Lululemon will continue to make overpriced, trendy, stretchy pants and Equinox will continue to charge asinine prices for yoga classes. You might have seen Slumdog Millionaire and love a curry on a Friday night, but that doesn’t mean you understand the intricacies of just how much you’re expected to eat in an Indian home (spoiler, it’s a lot). Don’t be scared, we’re here to give you a heads up… Keeping us waiting at a bus/metro stop, bringing their friends along for support, ordering for us and going dutch definitely don't make them dating material. We have a tattoo, enjoy a drink or two and hang out with your friends, so we must definitely be ‘easy,’ right? His mother: Nothing and no one ever supercedes the Indian mother.And just because we went on a date, doesn’t mean we've devoted our lives to being subservient to your feelings and choices! The unrealistic expectations: Yes, we went on a date with you. No, it is not all right to presume that we will sleep with you, marry you and produce offspring for you. Honestly, we don’t know where you got your education, but you need to go back for some common sense. The talks: "It is not a relationship baby, it’s ‘so’ much more than that." This one is for the oversmart Indian men. We might be the prettiest, talented, richest, kindest people on the planet but we have to be approved by ‘mumma’ first! The smell: Indian men think that body odour is acceptable. The ego: Studies have shown that larger the ego, smaller the appendage. Arranged marriages: You will never be the one he marries because after all mommy insists on an arrange marriage for her prince.Ok, now that the stock for single Indians is up, you need to be on your game if you want to date one. One, SRK is short hand for Shahrukh Khan, one of India's premiere Bollywood celebrities.
You will be thrown in at the deep end, but to help you keep afloat in the sea of ghee, we’ve got 21 key things you need to know before meeting the parents, and grandparents, and aunties, and cousins… You’re not just dating a girl, you’re dating her entire, extended family. Same goes for all the uncle-jis in our life – they’re just a random older relative. Wait, what do you mean they’re not really your aunty?! Yes, we all have at least one relative called Pinky, and what? They all can speak fluent English, punctuated with Indian swear words... Every now and then, it can get tough for us; we must assimilate into American culture seamlessly, while simultaneously staying true to aspects of our native Hinduism.Still, it’s this balance we are somehow gracefully able to maintain, which makes us so damn special.